A warm wind blows across my backyard as I relax into a gin and tonic. It is in the 80’s with some sun and some shade. You can take your pick. As I think about getting a ball game on the radio, my partner Connie Brooks trips into the yard trailing a couple of kids, my nephew and neice, Kenny and Liz, who are 19 and 20, respectively.

“What are you guys doing here, hiding from the cops? Is your dad on the lam, too?” I have been expecting them, but I try to entertain them and keep up my reputation as the nutball uncle.

“Aw, Uncle Eddie, you know we are straight arrows in a boring family.” Lizzie seems sad as she says it.

I feign outrage. “Being a straight arrow is never boring, at least to your parents, grandparents, your banker, your boss, and the Lord.”

Now Kenny joins in. “Gee, Eddie, we don’t have bankers or bosses, and we’re not sure about the Lord. And we don’t care what our parents think.” He is kind of a live wire, as is Lizzie.

I smile. “Once you realize what can happen out in the world, you won’t ever be bored by good times. As for the Lord, we’re riding an anti-God trend right now. Most people are still superstitious, but they bow to new Gods other than the Creator of the Universe.”

Lizze does a cute little double-take. “New Gods, Uncle Eddie?”

I am having fun with these kids and their supple minds. I have little to lose, and I press on. “When people on TV are spending a lot of time tossing out exaggerated criticisms of nice people who disagree with them, something weird is going on. I think our so-called leaders have gotten superstitious and religious about public policy. Most of them are mouthing dogma and speaking in tongues like the Salem witch-hunters or the bible-thumpers of old. They are even talking about going to Hell all the time.”

The kids aren’t buying in, yet. Lizzie is incredulous.. “What do you mean about Hell, Uncle Eddie?”

I am hot, so I continue. “As a kid, I was threatened by bible-thumpers with going to Hell, the so-called Apocalypse in the Book of Revelations. As I got older, religious Hell was replaced by a bunch of secular Hells, including nuclear war, the population explosion, air pollution, and various epidemics. Most recently, climate change and environmental degradation have been elevated to the new Hells we are going to.”

Connie comes out with a bottle of wine and some soda for the kids. Lizzie winks and starts talking about European kids drinking wine. I tell her they can have Champagne on New Year’s Eve if they come over. She rolls her eyes.

Kenny grabs a Pepsi and makes a toasting gesture. “You know Uncle Ed, you’ve got me thinking a little.”

Lizzie pipes up. “With Kenny, a little thinking is a lot of thinking.” She sticks out her tongue.

Kenny retakes the floor. “I get that global warming is a problem, and everyone should be worrying about it, but I don’t get how gradual temperature increases would lead to a catastrophe. Seems like it would be more like a pain in the ass. Pardon my French.”

Lizzie smiles like an angel. “Your French is so much better than your English.”

I am smiling, too. “That’s the point! If the truth is that global warming would be a pain in the ass in the future, it doesn’t pack much punch in the news. We aren’t going to give up our wealth, get rid of gasoline, and trash the economy, because a pain in the ass is coming.

Lizze re-enters. “OK. We can see that maybe the news media and politicians are exaggerating risks, and we can see why it would be in their interests to do so. If nothing very bad is happening, why would we pay any attention to them? But, how is what they are doing superstitious or religious?”

Connie puts her glass down and stands. “Ed’s tongue may be getting tired, so here goes. He and I both went to school to be scientists. In STEM classes, we were taught to make measured statements and never exaggerate. Measured statements often involve numbers and probabilities. Measured statements aren’t in the news, because they have little impact on people who never took STEM classes.”

Kenny smirked wickedly. “I don’t think most of the people who report the news ever took STEM classes either.”

Connie was on a roll. “Right you are, Kenny. Here’s the thing. You guys are pretty young. When Eddie and I were young, Ike was President. If you watch the old news clips on Youtube, you can see old Ike making measured statement after measured statement. The 1960 Nixon/Kennedy debates are available all over the internet. The two most amazing things about that debate are that the two candidates agree on almost everything. They never ridicule their opponent, and hardly ever exaggerate. After the debate, the news media make very measured statements about the debate. The world as seen on TV has changed so much. Instead of making measured statements, the news media and politicians now put forward huge exaggerations and personally attack anyone who disagrees.”

Awakening, I chime in. “Indeed, Connie. In the 1950s’ and 1960’s bible-thumpers and other exaggerators were all around, as depicted by Burt Lancaster in Elmer Gantry, talking about Hellfire and damnation, but, except for movies, by and large, people like that didn’t get on on TV. Everybody on TV, especially our “leaders”, were making measured statements and being pretty careful not to exaggerate.”

All of a sudden, Kenny jumped up and started to shout … then he stopped suddenly. “OK. Here is something for you to chew on, Uncle Ed.”

“At school, more and more, they are telling us that America is not very good. We have been bad and have a troubled past. According to them, the future isn’t looking that good, either. This story is pretty different from what we were told at home. What’s going on there? What are the facts?”

I was tickled. Now Kenny was thinking more than a little. “First, I would say that the facts will tell you that, from 1789 t0 2021, America has done very well indeed, compared to what every other country was doing at the same time. Comparing what America was doing in 1850 to what we feel would be good behavior now is ridiculous. The proper model is comparing what American was doing in 1850 to what other countries were doing in 1850. When you do that, you understand why a lot of people consider it the greatest country in all of history.”

“As to what is goimg on at your school, Kenny. You mean all this stuff about the partriarchy, empires, white privilege, systemicracism, and social justice?” Lizzie and Kenny both jumped and looked at each other. “Yeah! What about that?” they both said simultaneously.

Lizzie stood up tall and straight. She straightened her clothing, threw back her shoulders and looked straight at me. “They are telling us that you grown-ups have screwed up things royally, and we need to fix it quick. If we don’t, we will go straight to Hell! Not only you grown-ups … our grandparents, great-grandparents, all the grown-ups who ever lived have screwed up royally.”

Kenny spoke up. “Lizzie, you don’t mean that at all!” He smiled wickedly.

She said “Sure, I do. That’s what they say at school, or at least what they imply very strongly.”

Kenny retook the floor. “Not all growns-ups and all our parents, grandparents, etc. … only all the white, male grown-ups who ever lived in the western world.”

“Oh, yeah, right.” Lizzie looked a little sheepish.

“Thank, you! Thank you!” I said, and meant it. “We already learned that the media and politicians say we are going to Hell. Plus, they exaggerate, to make points, without much evidence. Now we have … ta-da, ta-da … school teachers teaching us Original Sin. It sounds more superstitious and religious than I had ever realized.”

“Look, kids. I’m sorry. I mean, look, young leaders of the future, if you don’t mind, I can try to summarize the root cause of what you are going through at school, if you like. Let me think a moment.”

Now I stand up, and take a couple of breaths. “Here is a summary of a type of philosophy that I believe you are being taught in school. It is not just in school, but it is all over the screens everyone looks at each day. There is a lot more to it, but it is mostly based on a few axioms.”

Lizzie looks at Kenny and says: “Do we remember what axioms are?”

Kenny does. “Sure. Axioms are the basic ideas that underly our beliefs and lead to our conclusions. They are also assumed to be true. If axioms are not true, then our conclusions would be a pile of crap. Right?”

OK. That’s good, leaders of tomorrow. Here are some of the axioms of the new “woke philosophy” that has come out of the academic community and is now running around on our TV screens and government buildings.”

“AXIOMS

(1) Systemic racism is endemic, though we have no evidence for it.

(2) White people are responsible for bad things other white people did in the past.

(3) Non-whites are not responsible for what they do now or did in the past.

(4) What white people did in the past should be judged by a mob-like process that does not consider hard evidence or the rules in effect when acts were committed.

(5) Social justice can be achieved without considering historical context and without peer comparisons.”

Kenny and Lizzie look around at everyone, then start to walk around the room. “Maybe, we need to scratch our heads a little on this.” 

We all have a couple of drinks in silence. After a while, Lizzie rises to speak. Again, she stands up, straightens her clothes, throws her shoulders back, and looks straight at me. “Uncle Eddie, I think you have been a big help to Kenny and me. I think my teachers might be about right about one thing. We do have our work cut out for us”

Everyone looks puzzled. Lizzie smiles in her secret way, and throws her shoulders back once again. She exhales a big sigh, then continues: “I feel like the axioms you stated are the basis for a lot of what is being said around our school and in the media. When you examine the axioms, and think for a few moments, you have to wonder why anybody would believe these axioms are true. That suggests that most people are not examining these axioms very closely. When I talked about our work being ‘cut out for us’, I meant that, as tomorrow’s leaders, we need to do something about this ‘woke philosophy’, before it kills us and everything our parents, grandparents, etc. have built for us.”

Kenny steps up to the plate, too, in his own way. “About the axioms, I would say this. I have gone along with about half of what the “woke” activists are doing and wondering about the rest. Like everyone, I like the idea of social justice, but I thought of it as being actual justice, like in a court of law, rather than vigilante lynchings.”

“Once I examine your axioms, I agree they are the basis for most of the ‘woke’ beliefs. I have to believe the people who are strong social justice and ‘woke’ activists are kind of thoughtless (haven’t really examined the axioms) … or, if they have examined the axioms, they must be pretty darned evil. Wasn’t there a very successful company once that said one of their main goals was to ‘not be evil’. Here is their big chance.”

Categories: Stories